


Cut My Hair

by Fruit_Fly



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Connor’s struggling, Depression, M/M, Sad, hard times, i feel the same way Connor does, i have no idea what to do with my s/o, so am I, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 08:20:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15069068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fruit_Fly/pseuds/Fruit_Fly
Summary: “I’m a little sick right now, but I swear, when I’m ready I will fly us out of here”





	Cut My Hair

**Author's Note:**

> This just a lil vent post based around that “Cut My Hair” meme that I adore. I don’t really write but I needed to get this out. The ending is better than I could hope to get in real life, but on a screen life seems so much more inviting.

__Connor Murphy thinks there is something wrong with him. He can’t feel. He can barely focus. He has no motivation to do anything except lie in bed and stare at walls. He reads obnoxious amateur books about characters that live in worlds of pain until they meet “The One,” but he doesn’t even feel pain. He’s empty.

Connor Murphy has had plenty of relationships. He’s broken up every single one. He’s currently dating Evan Hansen. This is the third time they’ve dated. He doesn’t feel anything when they kiss except wetness on his mouth. He knows Evan is in love with him. He can’t bring himself to feel the same way. He can’t bring himself to feel bad. He’s empty.

Connor Murphy knows he’s only hurting everyone with his lack of emotions. He doesn’t even yell anymore. His family thinks he’s getting better because the after dinner wars don’t happen as often. He wishes they could see how far he’s drifting. Wishes he were back on shore. Wishes they could here what’s left of his soul screaming from across the ocean for help.

Connor Murphy wishes he wanted to get better. He knows that if he were handed the chance, he’d willingly die. He’s scared of that thought. Not enough to make an impact. He doesn’t tell anyone about his absence of feelings. He’s learning to live with it. It’s not so bad, lying in bed all day. He gets to catch up on the sleep he misses during the night, thinking of nothing. He wishes he could sleep forever.

Connor Murphy’s sister is starting to catch on. He sees her casting glances his way when she thinks he’s not looking. She confronts him about how strange he’s been acting. He yells at her, asks if this is how she’d rather it be. She doesn’t talk to him for three weeks after that. It’s better that way.

Connor Murphy hasn’t talked to Evan since summer started. He’s ashamed to say it’s a little freeing. He spots Evan during one of his family’s “fun days.” Evan asks how he’s been. Connor says he’s fine. Evan doesn’t look convinced. They make plans to hang out at the apple orchard. Evan kisses him goodbye. Connor only smiles for Evan’s sake.

They meet at the orchard. Evan asks why Connor has been so distant. Connor doesn’t realize he’s crying until Evan was swiping a thumb across his cheek. Connor tells Evan he’s sorry. He tells him everything. Evan tells Connor to meet him back at the orchard same time tomorrow.

Connor gets there late. He arrives to see Evan sitting on the ground, distractedly snipping grass with a pair of scissors. He tells Connor to sit in front on him. He cuts his hair.

After another long discussion, they both agree that breaking up would be the best for them. Connor promises to stick around. 

_“I’m a little sick right now, but I swear, when I’m ready I will fly is out of here.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this little peek into my life. Like I said, I don’t write much so kudos and comments are incredibly appreciated.


End file.
